Politeness Monster

Lyrics

Walked into the コンビニ, just want おにぎり
But my mouth switched to 敬語 — why you doing this to me?
"このおにぎりを頂いてもよろしいでしょうか"
Sir this is a Lawson, not the 宮殿

お釣りをお返しくださいませんでしょうか
The cashier is staring, dead silence in the store
I just wanted rice balls, maybe two or three
Now I'm bowing ninety degrees for no reason — 助けて!

I mixed 尊敬 with 謙譲
Honorific plus humble — what have I created?
A monster made of ます and ございます
A 敬語キメラ — fully activated!

敬語キメラ! (Keigo Kimera!)
I'm a politeness monster on the loose!
(Keigo Kimera!)
Too polite and too confused
おっしゃっていただけませんでしょうか — WHAT DID I JUST SAY?
敬語キメラ!
Somebody take this 敬語 away!
(take it away!)

Job interview, suit and tie, 心臓バクバク
They said 自己紹介をお願いします — okay let's go
"私めが申し上げさせていただきますれば"
...That's not a word. That's not even a sentence, bro

Tried to say "I can speak 日本語"
What came out was 敬語 spaghetti code
They nodded slowly, wrote something down
Pretty sure it said "this guy is a clown"

尊敬語 for them, 謙譲語 for me
But which is which? I've lost the key!
おる? いらっしゃる? まいる? いく?
Four ways to say "go" — I'm about to freak!

敬語キメラ! (Keigo Kimera!)
I'm a politeness monster on the loose!
(Keigo Kimera!)
Too polite and too confused
おっしゃっていただけませんでしょうか — WHAT DID I JUST SAY?
敬語キメラ!
Somebody take this 敬語 away!
(なんで?! なんで?!)

Final boss... 彼女's parents
Dinner table. Everyone quiet.
お父様 が おっしゃられた...
Wait... おっしゃった? おっしゃいました?
申し上げた? 申された??

Her dad asked me one simple question
"仕事は何をしていますか"
And I panicked... I combined every 敬語 form I knew
Into one beautiful... horrible... sentence

"私めはお仕事をさせていただいておりますでございます"

Her mom laughed. Her dad did not.

でもね、彼女 が 笑ってくれた
She squeezed my hand under the table
失敗しても、気持ちは伝わる
Broken 敬語, but the love was stable

敬語キメラ! (Keigo Kimera!)
I'm a politeness monster — AND I'M PROUD!
(Keigo Kimera!)
Not perfect, but I say it loud
おっしゃっていただけませんでしょうか — I KNOW WHAT I SAID!
敬語キメラ!
This monster's bowing with his head!
(with his head!)

敬語キメラ... 敬語キメラ...
(もう一回... ございます...)